Error. Aid unavailable. Please use Microsoft.

First published here.

I can see it now...

Deep down in the bowels of Microsoft's Redmond complex at the end of a long, long coridor there's a basement nobody ever enters - except for a trusted handful from Microsoft's PR department. And there, immediately after Hurricane Katrina, a meeting is called.

"Okay people, I'm looking for initial thoughts on this," says the suited head of this covert sub-section. "What's the first thing that comes to you?" he asks, pointing to a young man freshly recruited from a top New York law firm. The young lawyer already has his pitch ready.

"Only Microsoft can help you survive the aftermath of a natural disaster", he says.

This sub-section is very busy.

I was absolutely appalled when I read the statements by FEMA's chief information officer Barry West was defending FEMA's Internet Explorer 6-only website where victims of Hurricane Katrina could apply for aid.

According to West, FEMA's goal was to provide a service to help "a common denominator of users and that meant Microsoft...the priority was to set something up quickly," he told the BBC. The sheer arrogance of that statement should give Americans cause for embarresment on behalf of their government, (or considering FEMA's general inability to function during the Katrina crisis, more embarresment).

Yes, it was an emergency and Yes, most people do use Internet Explorer. But at the end of the day, how bloody hard is it to build a multi-browser website?

Seriously, even I know web designers who spend hours making sure their pages display properly in nine different browsers, and I find it troubling that FEMA didn't even consider non-IE users before the disaster. Macs have become much more viable alternatives in recent years, especially since Steve Jobs return to the company. And Linux distros are much more usable than they were even a year ago.

Non-Microsoft browsers currently account for a little under 20% of the total browser market-share, and those alternatives are eating away at Internet Explorer's dominence all the time.

Forty-five percent of people who applied for aid did so through the website. Around 20% of the browsers out there are not Microsoft's. A back-of-the-envelope number crunch shows about 9% of the total number of people who tried to apply for aid during Katrina were unable to, simply because they weren't customers of one particular company.

Yes, you read it right. Nearly 1 in 10 were told to bugger off and get a browser that FEMA could be bothered supporting.

Nobody can blame people for using other browsers, especially in the wake of the look-at-a-picture-and-get-a-virus debacle that MS had in the works for over fifteen years. I've certainly enjoyed being a Firefox user over the last week as people started talking about the warning pop-ups it gave.

Now I have to ask: can we see a repeat of this kind of thing with the Tsunami Warning System?

"Warning! You may be about to die from a tidal wave! Please purchase Windows Vista and try again. Have a nice day!"

What happens when people start using their computers as TVs in large numbers? "Error T057HD5. Earthquake Alert could not be displayed due to presence of Linux".

The reason we have standards is so everyone, not just some, can get the same information. Nex time there's a natural disaster, I invite FEMA and any other emergency response organization to post on slashdot and ask for help. I can guarentee you'll get hundreds of people willing to code a multi-browser website at no charge.

Or better yet, get multi-browser support now. It's not that hard.

Up, up, up on the top floor of Apple headquaters in California, Steve Jobs called a meeting of his top executives.

"If if this keeps happening, someone is going to die solely as a result of buying an Apple product instead of a piece of crap from Microsoft", he said.

"I'm sending you guys on a mission to Washington. 2002 E-Government Act, accessable information for the public, I don't care what you throw at 'em. Get those bastards to stop thinking about Microsoft whenever they want to do something. Information is a global resource Goddamnit!"

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting with the guys working on FairPlay..."